They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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