CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
