In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
