VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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