you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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