You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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