Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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