there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
