i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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