I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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