Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
