I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Randomize
