drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
