Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Randomize
