Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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