Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
