Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
