I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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