And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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