shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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