I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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