we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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