put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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