I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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