U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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