I think i peed on brittanys purse
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize