I'm eating all of the evidence.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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