I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
