my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize