You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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