Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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