We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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