Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
