Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
