You made me cry and you don't even care
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize