Welp...herpes.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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