when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
