No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
