youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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