Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
