Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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