gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
