WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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