One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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