I just made out with a guy for $7.
i barfeds in our rink
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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