So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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