I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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