Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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