apparently the secret to your success is patron
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
