OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Define "chronic" masturbator.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
