so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
