we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
