I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
