I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
