I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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