he was CRYING into my vagina
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
