i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
