it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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