none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize