remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
