There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
