either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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