Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
