It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
