So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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