someone threw a dead crab at me
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
