Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
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