Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
