i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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