Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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