We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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