mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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