Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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