I murdered the dance floor call the cops
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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